Have you ever looked in the mirror and not recognised the person staring back at you? This happened to me last year and….it was a jolting feeling.
Familiar recognition of the outer was instant. The curly hair, light skin, and freckles were the same, albeit a few extra wrinkles, cellulite dimples and pigment spots that joined the party without an invitation. However, the hazel eyes that stared back at me were different. They looked the same but felt distinctively peculiar. Simultaneously questioning and antagonising me.
The old me would have chosen to ignore and push uncomfortable to the side. The new me accepted the challenge. The challenge to uncover meaning, understand burning questions and feelings. Settle the inner turmoil that was unmistakably rumbling. Create flow. Cleanse and begin to shed.
Shed the old. Shed the invaluable, the unfitting.
Strip the old. Strip the layers and GROW.
Just like a snake sheds their skin because it doesn’t fit anymore, so I felt.
Tight, uncomfortable, restricted.
The eyes staring at back were telling me that I had outgrown my skin, my beliefs and thought processes. I realised I no longer served myself. Time to discard the outdated and renew.
The process was an uncomfortable time filled with bloopers, laughter and breakdowns.
I accidentally stood on peoples toes, tripped myself up, unintentionally offended whilst attempting to create loving boundaries, choosing self and believing in choice.
I confused myself. Disorientated myself. Stood silently proud of myself. Invisibly smiled at myself. Challenged myself.
I felt honest, real and unashamedly unapologetic. I felt liberated, excited and regenerated all at the same time.
During the process, my reflection began to make sense. My hazel eyes became clearer. I slowly began to recognise the NEW me, the one that was always there but told to “stay in her lane”.
So here I am with twenty twenty vision in 2021.
Here I am!
The same person who has always loved, supported, and embraced others. The same person who has always tried to see another. The same person who has always strived to walk through life with compassion, understanding and kindness.
So what's changed? What’s been shed?
Nothing….I’ve just added a new layer of skin that feels more nourished. A skin whose top layer is smothered with self-love, self-compassion and self-awareness. A skin consciously nurtured and moisturised daily to feel smooth and authentic to and for myself. A skin that is real and ready to shed again if life and growth require another renewal.
So… hello…allow me to make amends if I have recently confused you.
Let me unashamedly (re)introduce my well intentioned mindful self….